Updated: Jun 14, 2021
Vulnerability (You should know I am spelling this out syllable by syllable while pecking away at my keyboard. I didn’t win the spelling bee in elementary school. LOL ) is a word that can represent and trigger uncomfortable feelings in many people. Why is this? Before we discuss the why, let’s discuss the what. What is vulnerability? I define vulnerability as a person’s ability to allow others the see them in their most organic/ raw state. Ripping and peeling back all the covers and granting people access to your most important parts and private parts of you and your life. Vulnerability is not an act that can be completed solo. You must have at least 1 or more engaged in this process with you. I personally think if this was something that could be done solo dolo, it would be easier and therefore not scary. When you engage in this action of being open and raw, you open the door to possibly be judged, talked about, taken advantage of and emotionally harmed. So, if this is the case, Kresence why would I allow myself to be put in this state? If the stakes are so high, why would I take this gamble? It’s human nature to protect our self, so why would you go against this? I agree with you. It seems crazy right? Vulnerability isn’t always going to feel safe. It is scary and dangerous. On the other hand, it can be a beautiful and a healing experience.
Let me explain, in life we all need someone for something. We need the farmer for food and medicine, a mate to love us (Love is a natural human need according to Abraham Maslow https://www.thoughtco.com/maslows-hierarchy-of-needs-4582571 ), a person to guide us, the postman for mail and a mechanic to fix our vehicles. The point is we all need someone. The feeling of needing can only be fixed by obtaining what is missing or fixing something that is wrong. These feelings can’t always be meet alone and in turn you need someone. Having to ask people for help to get these nerds/ feelings meet although scary are needed. So how do you do it without fear and anxiety?
Here's how: allow yourself to be vulnerable with people that you know are safe. People that have shown you time and time again you can trust them. Engage in this act with people that you feel safe with and create a healthy environment of security, stability and wellness. People that encourage you and support you. People who love you unconditionally. People that wrap you up and hug you and cry with you when needed. I don’t know who that is for you, but you should sit back and evaluate. If there is no one, then find a way to foster this with the people around you if possible. Find a way to go deeper into those friendships. In addition, process with a therapist the emotions that are under that vulnerability. Fear is only the tip of the iceberg aka the primary emotion. There are secondary emotions driving this fear such as anxiety, insecurity, feeling overwhelmed and embarrassment .
To wrap it all up, we cannot go through life alone. Remember that there’s no shame in getting help from others and allowing them to love on you. Find a tribe that you can be safe with and acknowledge/ process/ address those emotions that are holding you back. Being open with our safe loved ones, can create a deeper connection on a deeper level. It helps them to obtain a better understanding of you and you can do the same with yourself. Love one, hug one!