Self care feels bad

Why can’t i just sit down and release? Why can’t I take a nap without a million things on my mind? Why do I feel the need to fill empty space with something meaningful? Why can’t I just be?

These were the thoughts running through my head as I forced myself into the shower in preparation for a nap. I had just come home from work, began preparing for the gym and a sensation of super sleepiness came out of left field. I told my hubby I wouldn’t make our workout session and my body was suddenly exhausted. “I’m gonna take a nap because I’m gonna have a long night,” I explained to him. As he walked with our daughter in his arms he smiled and said “ Take a nap," looking me straight into my eyes. I knew what he meant. It wasn't confirmation or permission for me to rest. It was a command. This command was because he knows me so well. He knew once they both left the house instead of napping I would find way to occupy my time and not rest. 

He was right. The second that door closed I began thinking of ways to catch up on work, prepare for the next day, post on my social media, the list goes on. I felt like I should utilize this time and get so much done. The thought of not doing anything made me feel like I was a bad person. Like I was lazy and wasn’t good enough. How dare I take a nap when there are people working hard tiredly and effortless daily. What makes me any different?  Then I thought "What the hell is wrong with you." Where does this guilt and shame come from I asked. 

I have always been taught to work hard from a young age. I was always taught to be better then the next. Society teaches us that we work hard sleep later or I’ll sleep when I’m dead and real business owners work until they can’t work anymore. If these are the keys to happiness then why are so many American so unhappy? The Washington Post shared an article tilted " Perhaps tired of winning, the United States falls in World Happiness rankings — again" By Alex Horton, where Horton discusses the United States ranging number 17 in the 156 list of countries . Why do Americans have so many stress related diseases? We should take a page out of the countries in Latin America states Horton.

This sense of pushing yourself until you can’t push anymore only pushes us into hurt and pain. I’m not saying we can’t work hard but why can’t we work hard at taking care of ourselves and enjoying life? Why can’t we just relax and not think about relaxing?  Try it right now. Place you feet flat on the floor, hands on your lap, palms up and take in a deep breathe through your nose exhaling with sound out of your mouth. Try it 3 Time.  Go for it. I’ll wait...... Feel better? I knew it! Find a way to incorporate that into your everyday. Don’t over think it. Just breathe

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